The hurt that we suppressed goes somewhere within us. Somewhere deep were we nurture it and help it grow. We might say things like “I’m over it” or “let it go”. Those are defensive mechanisms we grew accustomed to because we were taught to always be strong. For years, I have used those terms and yes, I felt like at the time it was getting me through. Instead, it led me right to a path of anxiety, depression, migraines, and the list goes on. I’m learning that my life has been broken down into mini reality checks that required choices at each crossroads. It was something about a certain path I kept choosing. I realized my ship was sinking deeper and deeper. I grew very tired of the same advice from friends and family. Nothing worked! So, I decided to change my pattern.
After running from myself for years, I realized there was nowhere or anyone else to turn to. I had to face myself. Just writing that makes it seems so small, but it is not at all. I will say it again, I had to turn to MYSELF. I did what is hard for most people. I had to quiet the noise of the world. I shut it off like a television. I left myself available to ones that mattered, but even that came with boundaries. This was a big part for me because as I am coming back to myself, a lot of friends did not come back to me. And that is perfectly fine. It is important to silence the noise world because unwarranted opinions are powerful and can hold a negative impact on you. Everyone is not rooting for you and as you progress you will see that.
Giving myself that time and space, opened another side of me have never paid attention to. I started to meditate more. The thing with meditating is that it is hard to focus at first. So, I started out using guided meditation until I learned how to control my focus. Meditating, along with mindfulness goes a long way. The connection I made with myself only confirmed that it was me all along standing in my own way.
Meditation has a way of bringing up forgotten trauma. Trauma we have forgotten about because we spent so much time stuffing our hurt in this bottomless black hole. It could be small issues or ones big as generational trauma. Through meditation I have learned to detached from old ways of others and connect more with “MY” way of living. I have taken so many risks in life to get to this place and now that I am here, it is important that I share my journey.
Self-love is something I am passionate about. It is a personal journey meaning it will not look like anyone else’s. It is about no longer looking to other people for validation. Why? Because you will no longer need it. Connecting with yourself is more than just healing. You have created sacred space to clear your mind and make room for your higher self. You will begin spark energies within you that brings clarity and awareness. Self-love brings a powerful presence. One that no one can challenge. That is the healing!
-JOAB
Comments